


Settle Down, It Will All Be Clear

by lls_mutant



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: M/M, New Caprica, exchange fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-26
Updated: 2014-02-26
Packaged: 2018-01-13 21:53:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1241953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lls_mutant/pseuds/lls_mutant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The destruction of the Colonies was the end of everything, and Noel knew it was only a matter of time before he died.  Might as well get what he could before then.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Settle Down, It Will All Be Clear

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LorraineMarker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LorraineMarker/gifts).



"What the frak did you do?"

Noel had just climbed out of his Viper when Cole had him pinned up against the wall, forearm across his throat. He tried to push him away, his struggle growing more frantic as Cole bore down and it felt like all air was cutting off. He swung helplessly, but nothing connected. 

As suddenly as he'd cornered Noel, Cole let him go. Noel dropped to his knees, gasping for breath and massaging his throat. "So you do want to stay alive," Cole said, his voice dripping with scorn. "Could have fooled me."

Noel looked up at him. "What do you mean?"

"The way you were flying out there?"

"I was fighting! Blowing up toasters! Exactly what Admiral Cain wants us to do!"

"You were taking risks that put both you and me on the line! We both could have died!"

"So? Like there's anything left anyway!" Noel shut off the pain that accompanied that thought with such brutality that he barely even felt it. "What does it matter?"

"It matters because the longer you live, the more we hit them back. The more revenge we get." Cole knelt down next to Noel, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Come on, man. I need you if we're going to make these bastards bleed."

Noel nodded. "Right. Make them bleed." His breathing was slowing down and his throat was starting to feel more normal. He put a hand on Cole's shoulder and pulled himself to standing. "Sorry."

"I get it," Cole said. "Just… fly right, okay?" Noel nodded, and Cole patted his shoulder. "Besides, you don't know what…" Cole didn't finish his sentence, but he didn't need to. Noel knew the rest of it. _You don't know what she'll do to you if you don't._ It was a good point, and Noel sure as hell didn't want to die like that. And there must be _something_ left, although he didn't know what.

"Right," he said, massaging his throat. "I'll fly better."

Nora had been watching the whole exchange. "You okay?" she said, coming up beside him as Cole left.

"I'm fine." Noel was still massaging his neck. 

"Right. Like anyone's fine these days." Nora made a derisive snort. "You coming down to the rec room tonight? We're out of booze, but-"

"What's the point then?" Noel interrupted her.

"Nice, Noel. Real nice." Nora glared at him. Noel thought she was joking at first, but soon realized she wasn't.

"Fine," he said with a sigh. "I'll come down."

"You don't have to do me any favors," Nora said, and stomped off. 

Noel shook his head angrily. Between her and Cole…. But everyone was stretched to the breaking point. That was just the way things were on _Pegasus_ these days. Noel turned around and headed angrily back to his Viper, slamming his helmet against the wall as he went.

***

He flew straight for a few days, just to shut Cole up. And Cole had a point about hitting those bastards where it hurt- although Noel wasn't sure exactly how much you could hurt an enemy that didn't die. But his kill count didn't climb as quickly and Admiral Cain turned an eye onto him, so Noel very hastily and rather gratefully went back to his default setting. Cole wasn't happy about it, but as Noel's kill count began to rise again and Admiral Cain expressed pleasure, he kept his mouth shut.

Then they found the Fleet and the _Galactica_ , and everything changed again.

***

"You coming, Cole?" Nora asked, leaning over the mirror to examine her lipstick. It had been a long time since Noel had seen Nora dolled up like this- since before the attacks. For that matter, it had been a long time since he'd dolled up himself.

"Yeah, come on, Cole," he said, rationing out a tiny dab of cologne and rubbing it between his wrists. " _Galactica_ 's got to have fresh tail."

"I can't," Cole said, lounging on his rack and clearly amused. "You two shouldn't be fraternizing, either."

"Oh please." Nora rolled her eyes. "If there ever was a time for fraternizing, it's right now. There's a whole boatload of new meat."

"And a whole Fleet of civilians who aren't against regs," Cole pointed out.

Noel and Nora avoided looking at each other, both thinking the same thing. _Scylla._ The silence grew heavy until Cole said, "Never mind. Have a good evening. Be back in time for briefing at 0500."

"We will." Noel shoved a pack of cigarettes and a tube of lube into his pocket and grabbed Nora's wrist. "Come on. Let's go find some hot guys to frak."

They weren't the only ones with that idea. There were two shuttles headed over to _Galactica_ , and a definite party feel in the air. Noel sort of wished he'd put on civvies, but everyone else was in BDUs and various states of uniform, "You got any idea where we should go?" he asked Nora as they settled into the Raptor.

"Let's head to the rec room when we get there," Nora suggested. "That's where the officers are more likely to be, and I'd rather not break regs _too_ badly. And that way if we don't find anyone worth our time, we can at least play cards. Clean these _Galactica_ suckers out."

"You make a good case for it." Noel leaned forward to look out the window as they approached _Galactica_. "Gods, can you believe they survived this long in this bucket of rust?"

"Adama must be one hell of a Commander," Nora said. Noel looked at her sharply. "What?" Nora asked, eyes wide as she shrugged. "You're right. It _is_ a bucket of rust. So anyone who can keep her flying for this long with the Cylons chasing them… they're good. _Really_ good."

Noel had met some of the _Galactica_ pilots already and their half-assed approach hadn't impressed him at all, so Nora's sentiment was a whole new perspective. But before he could refute it, they were docking.

"About time," Nora said, fluffing her hair. "It has been way too long."

"No kidding." Noel looped his arm through hers as they walked out of the Raptor and onto the deck. "C'mon, babe. Let's go get laid."

The rec room wasn't hard to find. It was different than the _Pegasus_ 's- older, shabbier, with different pictures on the walls and chairs that were older than the ones in the _Pegasus_ rec room and looked a little less comfortable. There were bottles of booze set on what looked like very makeshift bars to the side of the room, and a few televisions perched up high. Several card games were in progress, and a rather large group was gathered on the left side of the room, talking.

"Where should we start?" Nora whispered. 

"Haven't got the faintest. Hey, keep an ear open for me, will ya?" Noel asked her. "I might be in for slim pickings with this lot."

Nora nodded. "I guess I'll head over there," she said, pointing to the group that was talking. "The blond could be promising."

"Gods, I will never understand your taste." Noel wave her off and headed to the most logical place- the bar. If the sex thing turned out to be a wash, at least he could get drunk, so the evening was a win no matter what. Heartened by that thought, Noel got his drink and turned to survey the crowd.

The pickings _were_ slim, and the only two acceptable guys were talking enthusiastically to Nora. Noel was thinking he was going to have to lower his standards when a fresh wave walked in, among them the watch officer, Gaeta. Noel had noticed him briefly on the deck when they'd come over earlier, mainly that he had pretty eyes and nice lips. But he'd seemed very formal and play-by-the-rules, so Noel hadn't given him much thought. But physically he was _definitely_ Noel's type….

Gaeta scanned the room, his eyes meeting Noel's, and Noel saw them widen perceptibly. Gaeta stopped still for a moment, and Noel knew immediately that Gaeta was attracted to him. He smiled and winked. Gaeta smiled back, but didn't approach. Instead, he turned and sat down with his group, someone pulling out a pack of cards. Noel ambled over. "Deal me in, too," he said, sitting down across from Gaeta and winking again. Gaeta flushed, looking down, a small smile tugging on the corner of his lips. The others in the circle regarded him suspiciously, but no one said anything.

The dealer's call sign was Halo or Helix or something, and he shrugged and dealt Noel in. Noel swept up his hand, barely paying attention to the cards. Even though he wasn't able to catch him staring, he could _feel_ Gaeta's eyes on him. That was only confirmed when Nora caught his eye from across the room, pointed at Gaeta, and gave Noel a double thumbs up- confirmation of what he'd already been sure of. He grinned, noticing she'd managed to corner a redhead that had no idea what was about to hit him. Satisfied he wasn't leaving his wingman hanging and he was reading the signs right, he turned back to the game. Now the real question was how he was going to get Gaeta out of here and to his racks. He lost three hands in a row as he tried to figure out an angle.

He was having lousy luck, but Gaeta's wasn't any better. "This is just not my night," Gaeta said, tossing in his cards after the sixth hand. "I think I'm going to get some shut eye."

"Already?" a pretty girl asked. "You've only been playing for an hour."

"Then I've only lost so much," Gaeta said, shrugging his shoulders. "I'll see you tomorrow, Dee." His eyes lingered on Noel for a long moment, then he turned to head out.

"I should be going, too," Noel said, jumping to his feet but trying to make it look lazy. Helo snorted, although Noel couldn't figure out why. "Thanks for the game."

"Whatever." Helo turned back to the cards and the group, and Noel was pretty sure he wouldn't be missed. Like he cared. He caught up to Gaeta right outside the rec room.

"So we're going to your rack, right?"

Gaeta stopped, looking startled. "What?"

"Your rack. You and me. You up for it?"

"What makes you think I would be?" His indignation seemed real enough that Noel took a step back. But he was still pretty sure he wasn't reading this wrong.

"Why wouldn't you?" Noel gestured at himself, under no illusions about his appearance. "Look, Gaeta, I'm not talking about the love of a lifetime or whatever bullshit you're worried I'm thinking. It's been a damn long time on _Pegasus_ , and I'm talking about you and me having some fun with no strings attached. Come on. I know that's why you left. You hoped I'd follow you." Gaeta looked away, embarrassed. "What? There's no need to be all blushing about it. I followed you because I wanted to. I want this and you want this, so let's cut through all the crap and go frak, okay?"

Gaeta looked back at him. "Are you always this direct?"

"Why not? It saves time."

"Well, I usually don't phrase things quite so baldly, but…" Gaeta struggled with himself internally for a moment, then sighed. "All right. Fine. This way." He gestured with a curt toss of his head, and turned to head down the corridors.

Noel fell into step beside him, letting his hand settle immediately on Gaeta's ass. Gaeta raised an eyebrow at him, but didn't protest. In fact, he stepped a little closer, perhaps emboldened by having it all out in the open. Noel squeezed, and Gaeta's eyes flared open in a very different way than they had earlier. He moved so they were shoulder to shoulder, and so that his hand brushed against Noel's thigh. And once they turned a corner, his hand moved so that it slid over Noel's cock.

Now _this_ was exactly what Noel was talking about.

He'd thought about making small talk, but instead found himself pushing Gaeta into a small alcove. Before Gaeta's shoulder blades even hit the wall, Noel fastened his mouth over his, kissing hard and intrusive. Gaeta kissed back, just as hard, his hands coming up to tangle in Noel's hair and pull Noel down to him. Noel braced himself against the wall with one hand and thrust the other down between them, palming Gaeta's erection firmly. He would have brought him off right there, but Gaeta got control of himself and pushed Noel away. 

"Come on. Not here."

There was an air of command in his voice, and Noel pulled it together and followed along, unbuttoning his jacket as they walked. Gaeta stopped at a hatch and pressed in a combination, Noel pressing up behind him and running his hands over Gaeta's hips and thighs. The door opened, and Gaeta sighed in relief as the racks were revealed to be empty. He kicked off his boots and slid the hatch shut, and barely had time to turn around before Noel was on him.

Noel kissed Gaeta roughly, his hands traveling wherever they could get to. For his part, Gaeta was trying undo his own buttons, both on jacket and pants. He finally shoved Noel away again and stripped off his uniform, down to the tanks. Noel thought about helping him get those off as well, but Gaeta had his pants off and there was no time for that. Noel pushed him back against the wall, kissing him hard. 

Since he'd come over to _Galactica_ with the express purpose of getting laid, he had the lube in his pocket. He let Gaeta up long enough to get it, and in that time, Gaeta turned around and braced his hands against the wall. "You'd better frak me hard," Gaeta told him, "because it's been a while."

Noel didn't need to be asked twice. He pushed on in and Gaeta groaned, leaning more heavily against the wall, his fingers curling into fists. Noel grinned at the reaction and began to thrust in earnest, letting the heat and friction build. His own legs tensed, and a white-hot anticipation began unfurling in his belly. He grabbed Gaeta's hips, pulling them closer, and the shift in angle changed everything. His thrusts became more erratic, and he knew it was going to happen a split second before it did.

"I'm going to-" he tried to warn Gaeta, but then he was coming, hot and hard, and he leaned his head against Gaeta's neck, trying to catch his breath.

"That good for you?" he asked Gaeta when he could speak around. Gaeta glanced back over his shoulder with something approaching a scowl, and Noel knew the answer to the question immediately. He rallied, reminding himself this was an experience he sure as hell wanted to repeat, pulled out and pushed on Gaeta's shoulder until he turned around. He sank to his knees, prodding Gaeta's legs apart. Three fingers up the ass, a cock in his mouth, and a few short minutes later and Gaeta was bent over Noel, gasping as he came just as hard as Noel had. Noel pulled away, swallowed, wiped his mouth on his forearm and grinned up at him. "That better?"

"Yeah." Gaeta was still trying to catch his breath. "That was… holy _shit_."

Noel smirked smugly, getting his feet and picking up a towel to wipe his hand off. "You can say that again. Don't suppose you have a cigarette?" If he didn't have to burn his, he wouldn't.

Gaeta nodded and climbed up onto an upper bunk. He sat with his legs dangling off the edge and dug amongst the shelves for a box, then patted the spot beside him. Noel clambered up and took the proffered cigarette. It wasn't his style- too thin and too expensive- but it was a smoke and he needed one after that. They sat together in companionable silence.

"I'd offer you a drink," Gaeta finally said, "but I'm afraid I don't have much."

"Water?" Noel suggested, because he actually was thirsty.

"We could always go get cleaned up in the head," Gaeta suggested. "Are you staying the night, or do you need to get back on the shuttle?"

Noel thought about it. Staying the night might result in more sex, but he didn't know Gaeta well. It might also result in complications that Noel didn't want, or Cole killing him if he missed that briefing. "I'd better get back, or Admiral Cain'll have my ass."

"Mmm. She has good taste." Gaeta smiled. "Come on, then. Let's get moving then so you don't miss the shuttle." His casualness made Noel almost regret his decision.

They showered separately, although Noel kind of thought he might be up for round two if he'd give it a bit. But Gaeta didn't suggest it, and hey, it was always best to keep 'em wanting more.

"I'll see you around," he told Gaeta once they were both dressed. 

"I hope so," Gaeta said. He was looking more formal, stiffer, especially now that they were where people could see them. Noel found he liked the contrast. "By the way," he said, extending his hand, "my name's Felix."

"Oh. Yeah. Noel."

"I know. See you around, Noel."

"See you around, Felix." 

Felix smiled, nodded, and then turned and left, his polished shoes clicking on the floor of the deck. He nodded as he passed Nora, who was hustling to make it to the Raptor. Her clothing was impeccable, but her wet hair was pulled back into a ponytail and her face was freshly washed. Noel high-fived her when she approached.

"Good thing you made it back," he said as Nora bent over to catch her breath. "Wouldn't want to be late to Cole's briefing tomorrow morning."

"It would have been worth it."

Noel stared at her, startled. He hadn't really been joking about not wanting to be late; consequences had been strict before on _Pegasus_ and were worse now. "He was that good?"

"More than that. He was funny." Nora was glowing. "Funny and nice. I'm definitely coming back."

"Yeah." Noel was grateful the Raptor hatch was opening and it was time to board, so Nora didn't see the way he was rolling his eyes. He settled down, suddenly pleasantly tired.

"What about you?" Nora asked as she sat down beside him. "You managed to leave pretty quickly with one of _Galactica_ 's finest."

"Yup." Noel smirked smugly. "Although if you wouldn't mind not mentioning to Cole that he's their watch officer, I'd appreciate it. I don't feel like hearing about it."

"Not a problem. Makes life easier when you eventually break his heart." Nora settled back and closed her eyes. "I'll have good dreams tonight."

Noel laughed and shook his head, tensing as the Raptor made its approach. _Pegasus_ seemed different after being on _Galactica_ \- more modern, more disciplined. Definitely a different world, but Noel suspected he'd be glad of that fact eventually. 

Cole was waiting for them as the Raptor docked on the _Pegasus_ , arms crossed, smirking. "Have a good time?"

Noel and Nora exchanged amused, superior glances. Cole looked from one to the other and sighed, shaking his head in amusement. "You two are going to be insufferable, aren't you?"

"Should have gone over, Cole," Noel said.

"It was one hell of a night," Nora agreed. 

"I take it this means you're both planning on going back." Cole didn't look as amused anymore, but Noel just shrugged.

"He's a lieutenant," Nora said defensively. "A pilot, in fact. So I'm fine."

"Except he's on _Galactica_. And what did you manage to drag up?" Cole asked, cringing in anticipation of Noel's answer.

"The XO," Noel said flippantly. He stepped in and kissed Cole on the cheek with a loud smack, then winked at Nora. "You two can argue it out if you want, but I'm going to bed with sweet dreams of my Colonel Tigh. See you later." He heard Nora laughing behind him, and even a chuckle from Cole. Noel headed down to the racks, a satiated grin on his face. 

One hell of a night indeed.

***

They went in spurts at first- Noel had no desire to go over to _Galactica_ after Admiral Cain's murder, and then went over pretty frequently during the lead-up to the election. Nora also made frequent pilgrimages, her eyes shining and her face alight with happiness. It was a sad day when Noel realized his wingman was probably settling down with a thin-faced, red-haired _Galactica_ pilot, although at least the man could fly.

As for himself, Noel had no intention of settling down. Felix made a nice change from the couple of guys on the _Pegasus_ that Noel could usually find to frak, but he had no intention of making it a full time thing. Felix didn't mention it either, and in fact seemed to shy away from the subject. Noel suspected that Felix either had other partners or wanted to, and was extremely pleased with this state of affairs. Nevertheless, they met regularly, at least once a week, no matter what the disaster of the week was. Garner's death, Adama's command, Baltar's election and the _Cloud 9_ explosion… Noel liked the fact that sex with Felix was something of a constant, as well as a break from it all.

Cole knew he went over to _Galactica_ and saw the same guy each time, but aside from a couple of smirks, didn't say much. He did make a comment or two about Noel flying smarter these days, but Noel ignored him. There were fewer Cylons to fight, and the discovery of New Caprica and Baltar's election changed that even further. Noel didn't really like thinking about that, but on the other hand, he didn't really like being hunted, either. So that was something.

If nothing else, this thing with Felix was something uncomplicated and fun, and Noel fully intended to make the most of it before it ran its course.

***

"I'm pretty sure this is against laboratory safety regs," Felix said, his hands wrapped around the corner and his head tipped back as Noel knelt at his feet. "And if Gaius came in right now-"

Noel pulled away long enough to say, "Baltar's not coming in. No one comes in here unless they have business. Shut up and let me finish."

Felix laughed, but the laugh was cut off quickly as Noel took his cock back in his mouth and began again. One thing Noel had to say for Felix, he was responsive, and he let Noel know when something was working for him. Noel liked that a lot. He also liked the way Felix tried not to thrust too hard into his mouth and didn't grab his head and hold it still during a blow job. And he really liked the way Felix let go entirely when he came, gripping the counter and barely able to stifle his noise. Noel swallowed, stood up, and kissed Felix deeply. Felix, he noticed, seemed to like that, if the way he kissed Noel back was any indication.

"The door's locked, right?" Felix said, pushing Noel away slightly and turning them around.

"We checked three times before I did you," Noel said. He grinned as Felix sank to his knees and undid the zipper on Noel's pants. "Frak, I've been waiting all day for this." Felix took his cock in his mouth, and Noel closed his eyes, letting his hands grip Felix's shoulders. Felix was really getting into it, more than he even had before, and in his enthusiasm let his teeth scrape lightly along Noel's shaft. Noel gasped, leaning forward.

"Oops, sorry," Felix began. "I-"

"No, do that again. Frak, _please_ do that again." Felix obeyed, sending spikes of pleasure through Noel's groin and up his spine. His fingers tightened on Felix's shoulders and his breathing shortened into ragged gasps, especially as Felix did it again and again. Then Felix reached under and fondled Noel's balls, and that pushed him right over the edge. He came, his fingers digging so hard into Felix's shoulders that they left red marks when he finally let go. Felix sat back on his heels and grinned with a smug satisfaction.

"Damn," Noel said. "You are the best reason to come over to the _Galactica_."

"Glad I rate above orders." Noel extended a hand and helped Felix to his feet. "But about that…"

"About what?"

"About _Galactica_. I'm moving down to New Caprica."

Noel stopped in the middle of fastening his pants. " _What_?" 

Felix ran his hand over his hair, trying to put himself back together. "I'm moving down to New Caprica," he said. "Two days from now."

"Why?" Noel blurted. "I thought you liked your job."

"I do," Felix said with a shrug. "I just…" there was more, Noel could see that, but Felix shook his head and didn't share it. "I've got a new job," he offered instead.

"Yeah? No shit. Doing what?"

"I'm going to be Gaius's- er, President Baltar's- personal aide."

Noel stared at him. "And why the frak would you want to do _that_?"

"Because this is home now," Felix said. "I really think it can work. I really think we can make something out of New Caprica. It's a chance to start over."

Noel wasn't really interested in starting over- that implied giving up on what they'd lost. But he supposed he could see the appeal. Especially given the way Felix kept calling the man "Gaius" instead of Baltar. "So what's that mean for this arrangement?" he asked. "Are you done?"

Felix turned red. "No. Not if you're up for coming down to New Caprica instead of over to _Galactica_."

"A shuttle ride's a shuttle ride. Doesn't really matter one way or the other to me. But congratulations on the new job." 

"Thanks." Felix smiled, but the smile didn't quite go to his eyes. Noel had the feeling there was a story there. But Felix didn't seem to want to share and Noel didn't really feel like digging. Instead, he held out his hand.

"See you later?"

"Give me about a week to get settled in," Felix said, shaking his hand. "I'll meet you down on the surface if you want."

"Sounds good." Noel finished getting himself back together, leaned over and kissed Felix, then grinned. "See you in a week."

***

"I thought you said New Caprica was a shithole," Cole said as Noel climbed into the Raptor. 

"It is."

"Then why the hell are you going down there?"

"Sex," Noel answered with a grin.

Cole rolled his eyes. "Say no more. _Please_ say no more."

"Very funny." Noel budged up to sit beside him. "What about you?"

"I'm on duty. Hey, listen. While you're here, there's something I've got to talk to you about." Cole's normally serious face took on an even more serious cast, which meant he was about to pull rank. "That move you pulled in the drill the other day-"

"Who cares?" Noel said with a shrug. "We're sitting here defending New Caprica from an enemy that can't find it. What's a little fancy flying hurt?"

"Normally I'd agree with you. But last time I had to talk to you about this… you weren't in a good place, Noel."

Noel brushed it off angrily. "I'm fine, Cole. After all, who's the one getting laid tonight and who's on duty?"

"Fair enough." Cole's grim smile said he didn't necessarily believe it, but he was letting Noel off the hook for now. "You loving and leaving or you staying on the surface for the night?"

"What time's the shuttle leave?"

"Three hours from now."

"I'll be on it," Noel promised. "Don't leave with out me." He leaned forward as Cole set down, scanning the side of the landing field. Felix was waiting for him, wrapped in a civilian overcoat. Noel smiled. "See you in three hours." Cole laughed and waved, but Noel was already out the hatch and heading across the landing field. "Tell me you've got some sort of heat," he begged Felix. "Or we're getting a drink instead."

"I have a space heater," Felix said with a laugh. "Come on."

He led Noel through the streets, walking briskly. Well, "streets" was a charitable word, Noel thought as he looked around. But Felix seemed genuinely happy, greeting people as he walked and pointing out various areas to Noel.

"You can see where we're getting the marketplace set up already over there. Right now it's going to be just stalls, but eventually I'm hoping that there will be some sort of indoor cover. Not sure about individual store fronts at first- that might stretch our resources too much- but as long as we can get an indoor facility, that's a start. The apartment complex will go over there, of course, and I've been trying to talk to Gaius about greenhouses."

Noel was surprised. "You really do think you can get this place up and running, don't you?"

Felix nodded. "I really do. I know it's not the Colonies and it never will be, but it really can become something good."

"If you say so." Noel didn't believe it, but there was something charming about the way Felix obviously did. He stepped closer so their arms brushed against each other. "Right now it's kind of hard to see, though."

"I know." Felix grinned ruefully as he stopped by a tent. "But it does have its advantages. This is me."

Noel stepped in and looked around. "Nice," he said automatically. It wasn't- it was a tent, for crying out loud- but there was a cot wide enough for two and there was the promised space heater, and most importantly there was a good looking guy ready to have sex with him, so "nice" was a fair enough descriptor. He turned to see Felix standing awkwardly, looking a little embarrassed. "Something going on?"

"Well…" Felix really looked nervous, and Noel hoped he wasn't about to ask some sort of commitment question or anything. "Look, this is the first time we've actually had more than twenty minutes without someone walking in, and there was kind of something I wondered if you'd be into."

"Oh! This is a 'you up for that?' sort of question!" Noel rubbed his hands together over the space heater. "Yeah, ask away. The answer is probably yes, but I reserve the right to say no."

Felix laughed. "I doubt this is anything too far out of your league." He held up a few lengths of bungee cord. "If you're up for it…."

"Oh, hell yes," Noel said gleefully. "Who's tying up who?"

If possible, Felix's blush deepened even further. "I'd really kind of like it if you did the tying."

"You are so on." Noel took the cords from Felix and tugged on them, testing them, and then put them down on the table beside the bed. "Come here." He pulled Felix into his arms and kissed him. Felix held on to Noel's jacket, tugging him close, pressing his hips right up against Noel's. 

Felix was still a little nervous about this- Noel could feel it in the tenseness of his muscles and the slight tremor in his limbs. He slowed down a little- they had a good two hours, after all- deepening his kiss and smoothing his hand over Felix's hair. Felix melded closer, letting go of Noel's jacket and wrapping his arms around Noel's neck. He broke the kiss, his mouth moving over Noel's neck, nipping along the tendons and up to his earlobe. Noel groaned, his cock stiffening.

Finally he pulled away, a little reluctantly, and slid his hands under Felix's jacket. He knew from experience not to be too rough with Felix's clothes, although right now tearing them off seemed like a pretty good plan to him. The jacket at least hit the desk, and Felix's overshirt and pants soon followed. "Should I leave your t-shirt on?" Noel asked. "It's still pretty cold in here."

"Yeah, might not be a bad idea." Felix was shivering slightly as Noel pulled his underwear down. Noel took him by the shoulders and turned him around, pushing him toward the bed. "This good?" he asked as he pushed Felix face down.

"Let me pull the covers back first," Felix said, stripping the bed down. He lay down, face down, arms extended. Noel grabbed the bungee cords and looped them around his wrists. It took a little creative knot work, but resulted in Felix's wrists being held firmly by head of the bed. He stepped back, admiring his handiwork.

With the kind of time they normally had, Noel rarely saw Felix completely naked. Not that he was completely naked now, with his t-shirt and socks still on, but this was the first time Noel had really had the time to look. He sat down on the edge of the bed and ran his hand over Felix's ass and up and down the back of his thighs. Felix caught his breath, ducking his head down as Noel's fingers lingered in particularly sensitive spots. A terribly evil thought occurred to Noel.

"You're not ticklish, are you?" he asked, skimming his fingers over a spot that had got a reaction. Felix yelped, jerking away. "You are, aren't you?"

"Stop!" Felix laughed, twisting away. Noel tried his ribs, and that got a shriek of laughter. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I've never noticed this before," Noel said, tickling Felix's ribs again. "This is great!"

"Are you ticklish?"

"About as bad as you, but you don't get to do anything because your hands are tied. Literally. What happens if I get you here?" He tickled higher, and Felix thrashed.

"Do you have any intention of getting laid tonight, Allison?"

"Fine." Noel sat back down, smoothing his hand down Felix's back and then up his shirt. Felix tensed. "I won't tickle, I promise." He rubbed the warm skin there, and Felix began to relax under his hand. He turned his head so his cheek rested on his arm and closed his eyes. His dark lashes formed crescents against his cheek. Noel took a long moment to admire the view, still rubbing Felix's back. 

Eventually the laughter had faded enough that Noel felt like he could risk going near Felix's feet. He picked the last bungee cords up off the table and wrapped them around Felix's ankles, spreading his legs wide and binding them to the foot of the cot. Felix inhaled sharply, pulling against the bonds to feel the resistance. The bungee cords didn't make the best restraints- Noel was pretty sure Felix could break out of them if he wanted to- but Felix wasn't pulling hard enough against them to undo the knots, and his hands wrapped around the cords, clinging to them.

"So," Noel said, standing over the bed and looking down. "Just one more thing."

"One more thing?" Felix asked, confused.

Noel opened the dresser and rooted through until he found a thick woolen scarf. He took it out and tied it around Felix's head, covering his eyes and down his nose. Then he stepped back, pulling his own clothes off and leaving Felix untouched for a while. He took his time, folding both their clothes, lighting a few more candles, investigating some of the items on Felix's desk. There was a power in making Felix wait, bound and helpless on the bed, and Noel fully intended to enjoy it, especially when Felix started to squirm with impatience.

"Noel?" Felix said. "It is a little cold and if you're not going to frak me, I'd appreciate it if you'd pull the covers up."

It was exactly the sort of moment Noel had been waiting for- that first break in Felix's façade. He leaned over the bed and slapped Felix on the ass, hard enough to sting but no harder. Felix gasped, jerking up, but Noel pushed him back down onto the bed. "You'd better believe I'm going to frak you," he growled in Felix's ear, holding him down. "I'll frak you so hard the mattress will have a dent for days. But it's gonna be when I say, and you're going to beg me for it."

A little smile toyed on the edges of Felix's lips. "I'm not going to beg."

"Oh yes, you are." Noel slapped his ass again, and Felix bucked encouragingly. "Believe me, I'm going to have fun making you beg."

"What are you going to do?"

Noel climbed up onto the bed, laying on top of Felix for a long moment, his cock pressing into the cleft of Felix's ass. Felix pushed back against him, and for a moment, Noel let him, enjoying the friction and the pressure. Plus, this was a prime position to attack Felix's neck. Felix had never let him leave a mark while he was in the service, but Noel wondered if he'd care so much now that he was a civilian. He caught the sensitive flesh between his teeth, sucking, and yes, this time Felix didn't make any effort to stop him. His skin tasted clean and smelled of soap, giving Noel another idea. 

He pushed Felix's t-shirt high up around his shoulders and then moved onto his knees, kissing and sucking his way down Felix's spine. This was something they'd never done together, but given how much Felix liked assplay, Noel figured it was a pretty safe bet. He continued down Felix's spine to his ass, and when Felix moaned, Noel was sure he'd bet right.

Rimming wasn't exactly his favorite thing, objectively speaking, but the way Felix started coming apart as he did it was a huge turn-on. Noel didn't think he'd ever gotten this sort of reaction from Felix- not this loud or this mobile- and had to actually hold Felix's hips still in order to avoid a black eye. It was a damn good thing he'd tied Felix's feet down, that was for sure.

"Noel." Felix wasn't even bothering to keep his voice down, and making him lose control like that sent a thrill down Noel's spine. "All right. Frak me."

Noel ignored him and continued.

"Noel." Felix's voice had a greater urgency. "Noel. Come on. Please."

He was tempted, but the point wasn't to give in right now. Noel kept his focus, although he slipped his hand between Felix's legs so he could access other areas. Felix practically yelped, pushing back against Noel, trying to maneuver himself so that he… well, Noel would bet so he landed with something up his ass. He grinned.

"I'm begging," Felix gasped. "Come on, Noel, please." Noel fumbled for his pants on the ground, trying not to break contact so Felix wouldn't know what he was doing right this second. He finally found them and fished the lube out of the pocket. It took another few minutes to lube up, and then another to return to full hardness since he'd forgotten he was on New Caprica and that damn lube was _cold_. In the meantime, Felix was getting more and more frantic, and Noel was fairly certain he was close to tears.

Perfect.

As soon as he was ready he straightened up and aligned his body with Felix's, pushing in hard. Felix cried out in relief, pushing back and straining against the bungee cords. Noel figured it wasn't going to take Felix long so he just gave into it, frakking Felix hard and fast, holding his wrists down against the mattress. The cot shook under them, creaking loudly, but Noel didn't stop. Felix came fast, and then Noel could come too. He lay heavily on Felix, both of them panting hard and sweating. 

Afterwards, Noel sat at the head of the bed smoking one of Felix's cigarettes, Felix's head in his lap. He toyed with Felix's hair. "I didn't realize it was so curly."

"I've worn it in regulation military cut for so long I almost forgot myself," Felix said drowsily.

"I like the curls," Noel admitted, wrapping one around his finger. It didn't quite make it.

"Maybe I'll let it grow out. I don't have to keep it short anymore."

"Mmm." Noel took a drag on his cigarette. 

Felix sighed and pushed himself to a sitting position, taking a cigarette from the box. Noel leaned over so Felix could share his light, then leaned back. "What about you?" Felix asked, settling cross-legged across from Noel. He reached down to the ground to retrieve Noel's shirt and underwear, and then pulled the comforter around his legs and abdomen. 

"I don't think mine looks good grown out."

Felix laughed. "No. I mean, what are you going to do now? Are you staying up in the _Pegasus_?"

"Oh. Yeah, I guess. I've been in the military since I got out of school. As long as there's a Fleet and as long as there are Cylons out there, I'll stay." Felix nodded. "Besides, the idea of settling on New Caprica, it doesn't seem right."

"How so?" 

Noel took a moment to hand Felix his cigarette and pull the offered clothes on, partly because it was chilly and partly to give himself time to think. "I don't know," he said finally as he settled back down. "Sometimes it feels like this whole thing," he gestured vaguely to indicate the attacks and everything that had come after, "is some cruel trick on the part of the gods, you know? Like, some sort of punishment. What did we all do that we're stuck being left alive? And then that's stupid, because I _like_ being alive, even if life is shit, because even in the middle of it all there's something like this." He gestured again, this time less vaguely at the tent and the two of them. "And then I tell myself there are no gods, and we were all in the wrong place at the right time or the right place at the wrong time or something like that. But I still can't help wondering what's left to live for, and the only answer I come up with is making things right. Settling the debt."

"Vengeance," Felix said.

"Yeah." Noel sat in silence for a minute. "So you're staying down here- does that mean you've given up on the idea of revenge?"

Felix shook his head. "No. Well, yes, I guess. If I thought we had a chance and there was nothing else, then I'd keep fighting. But with this planet being so hidden, maybe it is time to…. huh." Noel raised an eyebrow, smirking. "Yeah," Felix said slowly. "I guess I have, haven't I?"

"You see something to live for down here." Felix nodded. "Well, more power to you," Noel said, holding up his cigarette in a toast. "I do think you're nuts, though."

"Most people do."

"Does Adama?" 

Felix's face froze for a moment, and Noel suddenly realized that there was a whole, huge untold story here. "The Admiral encouraged me to take the job," Felix said neutrally. "He thought it would be a good opportunity for me." He leaned over and picked up his watch. "You've got about an hour before the shuttle. Do you want to get dressed and go find a drink?"

"Sure." Noel knew a hint to leave the subject when he heard it. He finished his cigarette and stubbed it out, then got up to get dressed. By the time Felix was dressed as well, their talk had turned casual again, passing on gossip about various service members and wondering how long it would take to get some decent pyramid games or boxing matches going to bet on. Noel was just as relieved- normally he didn't care to get that deeply into his thoughts and feelings after the attacks. Better just to focus on the easier, the more attainable, and a drink with a friend he'd just frakked fit that perfectly. By the time he and Felix had stepped out into the cool evening air, he'd put the conversation from his mind.

***

Felix wasn't his only partner, although he was pretty much Noel's favorite. He made the journey down to New Caprica about once a week, sometimes a little more, sometimes a little less. Every now and then he brought a pack of cigarettes for Felix, although Felix didn't seem to go through them too quickly. Felix reciprocated with an occasional bottle of booze, which Noel usually had gone in a night or two. The sex was good, the company afterwards was easy, and Noel would have been happy continuing like this indefinitely. However, that wasn't going to happen, and he could tell from the way Felix was acting tonight.

It was hard to put a finger on just what the factor was that made it clear this was goodbye sex, because Felix hadn't said it. But when Felix pulled out of bed afterwards and said, "We can't do this anymore," Noel had known it was coming.

"Okay, but out of curiosity, why not? I told you, New Caprica or _Galactica_ is all the same to me. It's still just a shuttle ride to sex."

"That's not it."

"Well then, what is it?"

Felix hesitated, then plunged. "I never told you this, but I'm kind of in love with someone."

"Oh." Noel decided to play dumb. "Who?"

"It's not important," Felix said, looking embarrassed. Well, Noel thought that if he had the stupidity to go for someone like Gaius Baltar (which _everyone_ knew, who did Felix think he was kidding?), he wouldn't want to admit it, either. "But the thing is, something happened last week."

"So? I don't care."

"I know you don't care." Felix picked up his shirt and pulled it over his head. "And I don't suppose he cares. But I do."

Which meant Felix was actually in love and Baltar wasn't. Which, again, _everyone_ knew, and who did Felix think he was kidding? But he was kidding someone- himself. Noel could see that. Yeah, this was a mess in the making. Maybe he was best getting out of it now, before it all blew up, or before Felix caught some STD off Baltar and passed it on to him. "Hey, not a problem," Noel said. "It was all for fun anyway."

"I know."

Noel kicked off the covers and sat up in the bed, ignoring the chill in the air. If Felix was going to throw him over for Baltar, Noel would be generous enough to give him one last look at what he was giving up. "You know, though, if you change your mind, I'm always up for a good frak."

Felix smiled tightly. "I probably won't change my mind. This is something I've wanted for a long time." He hesitated. "You aren't mad, are you?"

"Mad? Why would I be mad?" Noel was genuinely surprised at that. "Kind of baffled, since Baltar or I care about this monogamy thing and you could get twice the sex, but if you want to give that up…" he trailed off and shrugged. "I think you're frakking nuts, but I'm not mad."

Felix looked relieved. "Thanks, Noel."

"Hey, anytime." Noel stood up, stretched, and decided he'd better get his clothes on because it was frakking _cold_ down on this mudball. "You change your mind, call on up to _Pegasus_. I'm not going anywhere."

"You never know," Felix said, forcing a smile.

Noel snorted. "Trust me. I'm not going anywhere." He pulled his clothes all the way on, then dropped a shirt, intense kiss on Felix's lips. "And neither are you. I'll see you around, Felix."

"Yeah. See you around."

Noel winked at him, then headed out of the tent and into the cold. It wasn't a big deal, not at all. He'd had more partners come and go than he could count, and despite the number of times they'd slept together, he barely knew Felix. It didn't hurt at all to walk away. Too bad about the regular sex, but it was his dick that cared about that, not the rest of him.

He whistled as he walked down the street and towards the airfield.

***

"What's with you?" Cole asked, thumping down to sit by Noel at the table in the rec room.

"What do you mean?"

Cole sighed. "This was your fourth fist fight this month. And unless I'm mistaken, you've drunk all that tonight." He picked up the bottle of liquor in front of Noel and swirled it around.

"So?"

"So? You're going to get your ass demoted."

Noel shrugged. "Like that matters now that we're not chasing toasters. And in few years we're all going to be down on that mudball anyway. The military isn't going to exist."

Cole winced. "Yeah. I know."

"So what's it matter?"

Cole picked up the bottle and turned it over. "You haven't been down to the planet as much as you were going." Noel shrugged. "Who were you seeing down there, anyway?"

"Gaeta, from _Galactica_." Cole looked inquiring, but Noel shrugged again. "We ended on good terms, if that's what you're thinking."

"So what's going on then?" Cole poured himself a drink. 

"It's just drives me crazy to _sit_ here. New Caprica's hidden. The Cylons can't find it. We should be out there hunting down the frakkers that took everything away in the first place, not sitting on our asses."

"You know why that won't work. One captured, tortured prisoner and New Caprica's not hidden anymore."

"Yeah. I know."

Cole stared down at his glass. "I'm thinking about mustering out."

_That_ surprised Noel. "Really?"

"Yeah. You heard Nora is, right?"

"Yeah. She's marrying whatshisface over from _Galactica_ , right?" 

"Duck. I forget his name, too." Cole took a deep drink. "You're right, you know. Sitting around like this… it's not what people like all of us are made for. And the Cylons aren't going to find us here."

"So head down to New Caprica like good little citizens?"

"Frak that. Head down to New Caprica and at least build something. Get started on the rest of life." 

Realization dawned on Noel. "You're not just thinking about mustering out. You're really going to do it."

Cole nodded. "Yeah. But look, if you just stay up here, you're going to drink yourself to death. I can see it coming."

Noel snorted. "Have a little more faith in me." 

Cole hesitated. "Does it have anything to do with Gaeta?"

"No." The answer was immediate. "I told you, we ended on good terms. In fact, I should probably head down one day just to have a drink with him and catch up." And maybe see if that thing with Baltar had ended yet. It probably had, although Noel wasn't sure he wanted to deal with someone who was as much of a mess as Felix would be after Baltar shattered him. 

"Well, give it some thought, okay? I worry about you up here on your own."

"When are you mustering out?"

"Next week."

"Worry about yourself," Noel advised. "You're going to be down in the mud and cold while I'm up here with hot showers and a nice bed. And I'll still be able to fly."

"Good point." Cole raised his glass, and Noel clinked his bottle against it. "To bad decisions, either way."

"To bad decisions," Noel laughed, and they drank again.

***

It was hard to say goodbye to Cole. Noel and Cole had been through a lot together, ever since Noel had first been stationed to the _Pegasus_ and Cole had taken him under his wing. He was the big brother Noel had never had, and Noel really didn't want to think of the _Pegasus_ without him.

To his surprise, it wasn't as hard to say goodbye to Nora. Noel had thought it would be- she'd been stationed the same time he had been and after a first, initial intense rivalry, they'd settled down into friendship. But Nora looked so damned _happy_ to be going down to that frakking mudball that everyone thought was so great, whereas Cole looked like he was going down because he was told to.

"So you going to make an honest man out of Duck yet?" Noel asked Nora as he walked her to the shuttle.

"Not yet," Nora said with a laugh. "He's not going to tie me down that easy." But she was lying- Noel could see it in the sparkle in her eyes. "What about you? Aren't you going to come down?"

"What's down there for me?" Noel said with a shrug. Nora raised an eyebrow, and Noel shook his head. "Gaeta's with someone else." 

"Oh. Well, then, I guess I can't blame you." Nora kissed him on the cheek. "Take care of yourself, will you? And fly straight?"

"I will," Noel said, not really thinking about it.

He waved as she got into the Raptor and watched it taxi out. The _Pegasus_ felt different without Nora and Cole, but Noel knew he'd get used to it quick enough. Besides, they were only a shuttle ride away, and he did keep meaning to get down to the surface. Maybe in a week or two he'd go.

Three weeks later, the Cylons found them, and the Fleet jumped away. And all of a sudden, there was a point to the Colonial Fleet after all.

***

Noel was sitting at a table studying flight formations when Marcia, who'd been serving as _Pegasus_ CAG ever since Cole left, sat down across from him. "Want a drink?"

"No thanks," Noel said, barely glancing up from the binder. "I've got simulator practice at 0500."

Marcia snorted and sat back. "Haven't heard you say that in a while."

"Simulator practice?"

"No. Haven't heard you say no to a drink."

That made Noel look up. "You sound like Cole."

"Cole wasn't the only one who saw it."

"Yeah, well, I was hardly the only one drinking." Noel shrugged and flipped a page of the binder. "Things have changed."

Marcia didn't ask what had changed- she didn't need to. Not with New Caprica occupied by Cylons. "What do you think it's like down there?"

Noel frowned. "You ever serve on Sagittaron?"

"No."

"I did. I got sent in for six months after the Edessa bombings. This was before I was a pilot." He pushed the book away and leaned on the table, resting on his forearms. "It was hell. They didn't want us there."

"Yeah, but Saggies don't exactly do much, do they?" Marcia said, frowning. "I mean, they're non-violent."

"Most of 'em, yeah. But there's the SFO, and they were active where I was serving. We were supposed to be keeping the peace but… it was like fighting fog. You never knew where or how they were gonna turn up, and when they did, they killed a shit ton of people."

"You think that's what it's like for our people?"

"No. When the SFO got active, we had to crack down. Curfew, arrests… you couldn't be too careful. And people still got killed by the SFO anyway, so we had to get even tougher. We had to limit food and cut off communications, we couldn't let people assemble, we had people coming to us and telling us that SFO attacks were going to happen and you never knew if they were informants looking for some sort of payment or SFO members leading you into a trap. So every time it was the second one, we just tightened down even more. Frak, I was so frakking glad when my time was up and I got out of there. It was hell being in the service, but anyone could see it was even worse hell on the people who just wanted to live their lives."

"And you think that's how it is for our people," Marcia said. "Like it was for the SFO."

"No," Noel said, pulling the book towards him. "I think it's worse."

"Gods."

"You asked."

"Yeah." But she didn't seem all that surprised by his answer. More resigned, like she'd been thinking the same thing. "Hope Cole and Nora and the others are still alive."

"They might be wishing they weren't," Noel said grimly. He was thinking even more so of Felix. Felix was in the government… Noel didn't even want to think about what he was going through. He hoped Felix was dead, actually. It would be kinder. "Hope we can get them off."

Marcia smiled grimly. "I'll leave you to study then." She stood up, a hand on Noel's shoulder for a moment before she left, and Noel turned back to his flight formations.

***

"We're not going to New Caprica," Marcia told him.

Noel stared at her. "What the frak?"

"Commander Adama says we're not going. _Pegasus_ is going to stay and protect the Fleet."

"Like hell we are! The whole point was to get those people off that frakking rock! To get back our own!"

"I know." Marcia didn't like it either. "But maybe they've got a point. If we can't get everyone off New Caprica, that's it. Game over. Then we're all that's left."

And they would be back to the beginning, to the horrible beginning. Noel felt the anger and the hate swell inside him until it exploded with him punching the wall. "FRAK!" He spun and began to stalk away. 

"Noel?" Marcia called after him. "Narcho? Where are you going?"

"To get frakking drunk." He turned back to her, his hand throbbing in pain. "Want to join me?" Marcia didn't answer. "Don't bother me unless they come to their senses."

***

The liquor burned going down. It was rotgut, the worst he could find, and he didn't care. He needed that burn.

Orders. Frakking _orders_ to stay here and protect a few thousand civvies in tin cans. So everything could begin again, so they could go back to those days before _Galactica_ , when the only thing worth living for was a desperate sort of revenge. Not that he didn't want revenge. But… but…. Noel slammed back another drink.

What had Felix said, that night that they'd played around with the bungee cords? Something about not giving up, but finding a new place to start. Building something new. Noel had called that bullshit and yes, giving up on vengeance, and Felix had seemed at peace with that. Cole had, too. Nora. All of them had been willing to let the Cylons go and get on with life, and what had it gotten them? They were probably dead, all three of them. Noel stared grimly at the liquor, feeling sick. 

Even with the sentimentality that drunkenness often brought on Noel wouldn't say he'd been in love with Felix, or even approaching it. But he'd genuinely liked he guy, and he wished he could believe that he was still alive. But Felix had had guts, and he hadn't really given up fighting- he'd just redirected to a different target. Cole went down to New Caprica because there was nothing left to fight for and it was time to lay down arms. Felix went down because he thought New Caprica was worth fighting for. Gods knew what he saw in that mudball, but he saw it, Noel knew that.

He poured out another drink and considered it. Cole and Nora might still be alive, but Felix… he couldn't slip under their radar. Felix had to make some sort of choice this occupation, and Noel knew him well enough to know he'd never buckle to the Cylons. 

"To Felix," he said to the empty room, lifting his glass. 

It was going to be a long frakking night unless he passed out soon.

***

_Pegasus_ was gone. The loss was staggering to Noel, and he couldn't wrap his brain around it. He stood on the deck of _Galactica_ next to his Viper, watching the ragged swarm of humanity that surged around from New Caprica.

"Noel? Noel!"

Noel turned just in time to barely register Cole's face before he was engulfed in a huge hug. He hugged back, unbelieving at first and then registering the solidity of his best friend. "You're alive," he managed. Cole held on to him for so long that Noel started getting worried. He patted Cole on the arm, trying to get him to let him up for air.

Finally, Cole stepped back. Noel was shocked to get a good look at his face. He'd lost weight, which was alarming because he'd never really carried much extra. His face was thin and haggard and pale, and he had something approaching a beard. Ragged gray clothes hung off him, and his hair was long around his ears. "What the frak happened to you?"

"New Caprica." Cole smiled, but it was a grim, rather terrifying expression. "Spent two months in a Cylon detention center until they decided to kill me off. Resistance got in there just in there just in time."

"Frak me."

Cole looked around. "Think I could get something to eat? I'm starving."

"I guess. I have no idea where we're going." Noel slung an arm around Cole's shoulder and then let it drop to his waist, ostensibly as a companionship thing but really because he didn't think Noel could keep himself upright. "You heard about the _Pegasus_?"

"I heard. You hear about Nora?"

Noel stopped. "No."

Cole nodded grimly. "Cylons attacked a temple. Nora was killed in the raid."

"Frak." Noel's throat closed up.

"Tyrol told me Duck went and joined the resistance. Blew up the NCP graduation."

"The what?" Noel's mind wasn't really working. Nora. His stomach was twisting and he'd really thought that if anyone was going to come back it would be her, and he couldn't lose it right now… not with all these people around. But Gods, _Nora_ ,,,,

"Frakking collaborators," Cole was saying. "I'll give you the rundown later. Oh- but you should know, too. Gaeta-"

"Gaeta's dead, too?" Noel said, even though that one he'd guessed.

"Hardly." Cole snorted. "Stayed in his cushy little job the whole time, from the second Baltar handed us all over to the Cylons until the very end." Noel stared at him in horror. "Sorry, man, but I thought you should know." Cole turned back to the exit from the deck. "Can we get out of here?"

"Oh. Right. Sorry." Noel resumed their trek, almost as unsteady on his feet as Cole was. Nora was dead and Felix had betrayed humanity. It was a one-two sucker punch that he'd never seen coming, and somehow, he had trouble believing either one. He decided to focus on Cole for right now, Cole who was here and needed help. "Let's go."

They'd have to find food, get Cole cleaned up, probably get him checked out in the infirmary. Find some racks, get Cole re-enlisted… Noel formed the list in his head, letting it drive out any other thought. Get through this, and then he could worry about his own grief. He squared his shoulders and helped Cole off the deck. They had a lot of work to do, and the sooner they got started, the better off they'd both be.

***

He saw Gaeta, once or twice, dressed in civvies and looking lost. Gaeta didn't even try to approach him- Noel wasn't sure he even _noticed_ him half the time. He heard the same account from everyone. The Cylons had come, and Felix Gaeta had stayed right there in his job, delivering orders and signing off on rations cuts and executions. Noel thought of Nora and of Cole and everyone else on that frakking planet, and did his absolute best to avoid Gaeta.

He told himself it didn't hurt at all. He really hadn't seen this one coming, and he couldn't make his brain make complete sense of it. But it had happened, and the best way to deal with it was just to stay the hell away from Felix, and forget that he had ever existed.

***

Frakking _Galactica_. Noel had been over on this bucket several times, but he still hadn't learned his way around all of it. The layout of it wasn't like _Pegasus_ , which had become so intuitive over the years that Noel didn't even have to think about it anymore. But _Galactica_ was different enough that if he tried to get anywhere on autopilot, he'd find himself outside the CIC instead of at the mess hall, or in the racks instead of weapons storage. Or, as was the case right now, in the storage bays rather than the landing bay. The place was dimly lit with stale, dusty air and crowded with huge crates that probably didn't contain a whole lot useful anymore. He sighed with frustration and stopped, trying to figure out how the frak he'd gotten down here and how exactly to get back. That was when he heard it- a soft, ragged sound that didn't sound mechanical.

His first thought was to ignore it. It wasn't his problem, and there weren't exactly a lot of people down here, so Noel had the idea that whoever it was might just want to be alone. But then it occurred to him that it might be one of those frakking skin jobs, hiding on the ship and waiting for their chance to blow it all to hell. Noel wasn't going out like _that_ , if that's what this was. He pulled his sidearm and advanced, his footsteps slow and quiet, until the very last minute, when he whipped around an empty crate and aimed. His intuition kicked in before his brain did and he pulled his gun up. It was Felix Gaeta, sitting huddled in a gap between crates.

"What the frak are you doing here?" he demanded.

Gaeta had pulled back against the wall, but he was uncurling out of his huddled position and bracing his hands against the crates. Ready for combat. "Nothing," Gaeta said. "I'm just… nothing."

Noel wasn't sure he believed that, especially on closer inspection. But at the same time, he wasn't sure he cared, not after the rumors he'd heard. "Heard Starbuck tore you a new one in the mess hall," he said, gun still in hand. "Come down here to cry about that?"

"Hardly." Gaeta snorted and pulled himself up to standing. But there was something still off. Noel couldn't put his finger on what it was. "Why do you care? I always got the impression you can't stand Starbuck anyway."

"I can't," Noel said, shrugging. "But if anyone's entitled to blast a collaborator a bit, it's her. Sounds like she went through hell on New Caprica." Gaeta looked away. "You know," Noel continued conversationally, "if I'd been Admiral Cain, I would have shot you on sight."

Gaeta turned back. "Is this your way of telling me you're going to shoot me right now?"

For a moment, Noel considered it. "You probably deserve it," he said. "And no one would hear me do it down here, right?" Gaeta's spine stiffened, although he didn't look Noel in the eye. Noel flicked the safety back on his gun and holstered it. "But nah. I wasn't down there in that hellhole. I'll save that honor for someone who's earned it."

He turned to walk away. He got all of five steps before he turned around, angry in spite of himself. "Frak, Felix, why the hell did you do it? I know you were desperate to frak Baltar, but to collaborate with the toasters?"

Gaeta stared at him like he didn't understand the words Noel had said, and when he finally spoke, it didn't make much sense. "That ended."

"Huh?"

"Baltar. That ended. About two months after it started." Gaeta drew a shuddering breath, like he was pulling himself back together again. "By the time the Cylons came, I hated him."

"That makes it even more impossible to understand. Did you just want to stay alive?" Noel wanted to shake him. "I mean, I always knew you wanted to get into command, but I didn't take you for a power monger."

"It was to get information."

Noel stilled. "What?"

"To get information," Felix repeated, because just like that, in his gut, Noel knew he was _Felix_ again and not _Gaeta._ "There was no way we could end the occupation by brute force. There had to be someone who could get high-security information. I was positioned well. I could make the Cylons trust me, at least well enough to ignore me. I knew what sort of information would be valuable, and I could get into Gaius's files. So I stayed. I collaborated and I… I know what I did. But I did what I could."

Noel gaped at him. "You handed over information," he said, realization dawning like a sunrise inside him. "You were a spy."

"Yes. That's what I've been trying to tell people and-"

"I knew it. I knew there had to be- I knew it didn't make sense." Noel closed the space between them with three steps, cupped the back of Felix's head and yanked him close, and kissed him. Hard.

Felix stood frozen for a long minute, then he pushed Noel away. "What the frak are you doing?" His eyes flashed angrily, and not in a flirting sort of way. Noel took a step back.

"Giving you a hero's welcome."

"Yeah, well, forgive me, but I've had enough _hero's welcomes_." Felix was breathing hard. At first Noel thought he was just turned on, but he slowly began to realize that he'd really, really thrown Felix off-guard, and it occurred to him that going from aiming a gun to kissing in less than a minute might have been a little too abrupt. He took another step back. Felix was still shaking. "I just came down here because I…." he trailed off, shaking his head.

"You okay?" Noel asked.

"No. No, I'm not okay."

"Oh." Noel shifted. "You need… medbay or something?"

Felix took a deep breath, and then another. Slowly his stopped trembling, his shoulders unfurled a little, and he began to relax. "No. I'm sorry, Noel. I'm a mess right now."

"Yeah, I see that." Noel stuffed his hands in his pockets, completely wrong-footed now. "What happened?" His mind went over Felix's words again. "Wait. What do you mean, you've had enough hero's welcomes? Someone else pull a gun on you or something?"

"Tried to throw me out an airlock, yes."

"Oh." Not that Noel was surprised, but still. "Wait a minute. Just now?"

" _Yes._ "

And all of a sudden, that explained everything, and Noel had the simultaneous feeling of feeling on firmer ground and yet getting in completely over his head. He approached Felix more slowly, hands up reassuringly, and when Felix didn't vault over the crate to escape, took him gently by the arm. 

"Come on, then," he said, tugging. "Let's get out of here."

"Noel, I'm okay."

"Like hell you are. Look, I know I just kissed you and all, but I'm not trying to get you into bed right now, okay? I'm doing what I'd do for a friend."

Felix relaxed and stepped out from his little hideaway. Up closer, Noel could see dirt streaked on Felix's face and the way Felix's hands were trembling. His hair was a mess and his breathing was still harsh. Noel released Felix's bicep and draped his arm across his shoulders. "Come on," he said, as kindly as he could. "I think you need to get really, really drunk." Felix started to protest, but Noel overrode him. "And I'll watch your back the whole time. And hey, if you do feel like blowing off steam with a good frak, well then, I'll be there for that, too." The last part was almost automatic, an attempt to add a little humor. Felix didn't laugh.

_Galactica_ was packed, and he wasn't sure where to lead Felix. In the end, he decided to take him to the crowded racks where he was staying, because at least they could pull the privacy curtain and people wouldn't be staring. Although when Noel opened the door and ushered Felix in, the room definitely fell silent.

Once Felix was sitting in the bunk and the curtain was pulled and the sounds of conversation started back up again outside the curtain, he sort of collapsed on himself again, drawing his knees up to his chest and taking up as little room as possible. "You don't have to do this, you know."

"Shut up and have a drink," Noel said, uncapping his best bottle of moonshine and handing to Felix. "Go on, drink it," he said when Felix hesitated. "We've had our tongues in each other's mouths before, and besides, that shit's strong enough to kill anything either of us have got."

"Point well taken," Felix said, in the dry tone of someone thinking that they'd had their tongues a lot of other places than each other's mouths. But Felix tipped the bottle up and took a swallow, choking back his response. He handed the bottle back to Noel. Noel knew he'd better not get drunk off his ass, but a little buzzed would be okay. He took a large swig himself.

"It's still shit," he said to Felix after his eyes stopped watering. "But it's the best I've got and it gets the job done." He handed the bottle back.

"Where did you even get it from?" Felix asked, examining the label.

"Last time I was down on New Caprica, two days before the toasters came. I was saving it till we pulled off the rescue."

Felix snorted. "Surprised it's lasted three days then."

Noel shrugged. "Been too much to do to be drinking. Speaking of which, what are you doing, anyway?"

"I've been helping repair the CIC, but…." Felix trailed off and took another drink. 

Noel struggled to think about it, because time was only starting to regain any sort of meaning. He gave up because he'd heard the CIC was frakked no matter what. "You supposed to be there now?"

Felix shrugged. "Probably."

Noel may not have known Felix that well, but one thing he had known is that Felix would never, _ever_ have responded _probably_ when asked if he was supposed to be on duty. "You need me to call down to the CIC and tell them you're sick or something?"

"Tigh knows where I am." The bitterness in Felix's voice was almost palpable, but it still took Noel a long minute. Then-

"Tigh? Tigh was one of them?"

"Shut up," Felix ordered, glancing at the closed privacy curtain. "You want the whole room hearing this?"

"That Tigh tried to put you out an airlock? Hell, yeah!"

"And half of them will decide the only problem with that was he didn't succeed! Tigh is a frakking hero to most everybody who was on New Caprica, Noel! He got them off! No one is going to believe me over him!"

"He still thinks you deserve to die?" Noel asked, surprised.

"No. But he's not exactly making an announcement, either. And he sure made it known in the CIC the other day." He sighed, flopping back against the wall. "It's gonna take time. I don't mind, I guess, I just wish I could be sure no one would try to toss me out the airlock until then."

"Could be a problem," Noel said, taking the bottle from Felix's hand. He thought about it, about when Felix would be most vulnerable. "Where are you sleeping?"

"I spent the other night in a bunk down the hall, but I'm not sure how long I'll be staying there."

"You're staying here tonight," Noel informed him. "Are you re-enlisting?"

"If the Admiral will have me."

"Good. You're staying here then until this blows over. Don't worry. It'll just be a few nights." Felix nodded uncertainly, and Noel began toeing his boots off. "Might as well get comfortable. Want to play cards?"

Felix shook his head. "Not really." He reached over for the bottle, but instead of drinking from it, he just stared at the label again. He had something on his mind, something that made him frown. Finally, he took a deep, almost alarming drink out of the bottle and handed it back with the air of someone who'd made up his mind.

"You said… earlier…"

Noel raised an eyebrow. "I said what?"

Felix blushed, squirmed, and then looked away. "Never mind."

"Oh. You mean if you want a good frak, I'm up for it?" Felix looked more embarrassed, but Noel brightened. "You looking for a frak now, Felix?"

"I'm never going to sleep otherwise."

"I wasn't joking, you know," Noel said, beginning to struggle out of his shirt. "Not like we got anything better to do."

"You're serious."

Noel paused, his shirt halfway off. "No. I'm getting undressed because I'm pulling your leg. Yes, I'm serious." Felix still looked uncertain, and Noel sighed. "Look. You've obviously been through some shit, and we've frakked each other enough that I'd kind of like to do at least something for you. But I'm no good at all this comforting shit. But you ask me for sex? Sex I know. Sex I can do. So you just tell me what you want, and I'll do it."

"I don't know," Felix said helplessly. 

Noel considered him, then finished pulling his shirt off, took the bottle from Felix, and set it aside. "Okay then. Just tell me if it's not working for you then, all right?" He got up onto his hands and knees and crawled over, kissing Felix gently. 

It had been a long time, but they'd slept together enough times before New Caprica that it came back to Noel easily, all the things that Felix liked. He knew Felix often liked it rough, but he kept it gentle for right now, gentle and firm. Felix leaned back, parting his lips under Noel's and kissing back. Slowly, tentatively his hands came up to rest lightly on Noel's shoulders. Noel grasped one of Felix's wrists and moved it so that Felix was holding him tighter. Felix took the hint and let his hands smooth down Noel's back, and Noel rearranged them so they were lying together, Noel half on top of Felix.

He cast his mind frantically about as to what they should do, and decided that simple and classic would work best. He slid down Felix's body, settling between his legs. Outside the curtain he could still hear people talking and moving about, but inside it was just the two of them. Noel nudged Felix's hips upward so he could pull his pants down, then stroked him into hardness, lowered his head and began.

Noel had always taken pride in his ability to give head. If nothing else, giving a good blow job usually guaranteed a good effort in return. But this time he knew Felix needed some sort of escape, some kind of respite, and this was the best he was going to get. So he focused, moving his tongue up and down the shaft and sliding one hand under Felix's ass while the other traced light patterns over his balls. Felix's breath hitched and his hips twitched up. His hands hesitated on Noel's back, then moved tentatively to Noel's hair, barely touching it with his fingertips. When Noel didn't push them away or throw them off (which was stupid- if he didn't want contact with Felix he wouldn't have his cock in his mouth, but anyway), Felix's grip tightened. Noel moaned encouragingly, and Felix tugged on his hair experimentally. Noel nodded, and Felix tightened his fingers into fists, pulling. Noel picked up his pace in response, and Felix's back arched as he mostly stifled a moan.

Felix was getting more into it. Noel could feel it in the way his cock hardened, hear it in the increased raggedness of his breathing. He grinned to himself and decided to go a little rougher, taking a moment to suck on two of his own fingers before pushing them up Felix's ass. One of Felix's hands left Noel's hair, and when Noel sneaked a peek he could see Felix covering his own mouth, trying to keep the sound in. His thighs tightened as he bore down onto Noel's fingers and then thrust up into his mouth, and Noel could tell he was about to come. He let Felix go and yanked his fingers out, grinning.

"What the frak?" He could hear the disorientation in Felix's voice, and some sixth sense told him to move fast, before Felix misinterpreted what was just a way to make the fun stretch into something more sinister.

"Turn over," Noel ordered him. "Not quite like that," he said, as Felix started to turn onto his stomach. "Give me a minute." Noel undid his pants, worming out of them, and Felix took the hint. He got to his hands and knees, and Noel slid under him. Felix ducked his head to take Noel's cock into his mouth, and for a moment Noel did not want to move at all, because _frak_. But he reached up and pulled Felix's hips down to the point he could get Felix's cock into his own mouth, and got back to work.

He'd been so proud of remembering what Felix liked, but Felix clearly remembered what Noel liked, too. There was no gentleness, but instead a light scrape of teeth. His fingers were tight around the base of Noel's cock, and Noel moaned, thrusting harder up into Felix's mouth. His own hands were now splayed out on Felix's thighs. He'd been planning on making this take even longer, but Felix increased the suction and Noel knew there was no way in hell. He came with a muffled swear, and was sure he heard Felix laughing above him.

"You frakker," Noel gasped as Felix rolled off. "I was gonna make it last longer."

"I still haven't come," Felix pointed out.

"I'm getting revenge," Noel growled, gathering himself. He flipped Felix back over onto his side, grabbed some lube, and then this time three fingers went right up Felix's ass. He pinned Felix to his body with arm, his mouth moving over Felix's neck as he finger-frakked him hard. Felix's nails raked down his back and he muffled his cries against Noel's hair, but Noel was ruthless with teeth and tongue and hand until Felix came, his body pressed tight against Noel's.

"There," Noel said, pulling away in satisfaction. "Told you."

"What a way to get revenge," Felix laughed, but his laughter faded quickly. "Oh gods. They probably all heard that out there."

"So?" Noel shrugged. "Why should you care?"

"You know why." Felix's face was grim.

"Hey. Don't think if you get all depressed on me you get another orgasm," Noel said, half teasing. "Come on. No one was listening." He had no idea if that was true, but maybe Felix would believe it. "Stretch out. Take a nap."

Felix sighed and started making himself comfortable. The bunks weren't that wide, really, but they could both fit if they were right up against each other. "You sure you're okay with this?" Felix asked.

Noel understood- they'd rarely actually spent the night together, and usually, he preferred it that way. But he'd slept with Felix enough times to know that Felix wouldn't get attached and besides, Noel didn't want him on his own right now. Way too likely someone could kill him in his sleep. "I told you," Noel said, "I'm watching your back."

Felix relaxed. "Thanks," he said quietly, then pulled the covers up and wedged himself against the wall. "I appreciate it. Guess I need it right now."

Noel shrugged. "Just get some sleep, okay?"

Felix nodded and closed his eyes. It took a while, but eventually his breathing evened out and his face relaxed. Noel did, too. Sex was fun, but he had no idea how to deal with the rest of this shit. He laid back against the pillow, crossing his arms over his chest and closing his eyes. At least he could keep people off Felix's back for a while. After what Felix had done, it was the least anyone could do.

***

"Noel."

Noel froze, foot half out of his Viper. The tone of voice was one he didn't like. He kicked himself back into gear and finished swinging out, doing his best to look casual. "Cole. What's going on?" He looked down and saw not only Cole, but Marcia as well. 

"Come on." Cole grabbed his arm as soon Noel hit the deck, yanking him off to the side. "What the frak are you doing hanging around with Gaeta? Scuttlebutt says you had him in your rack last night."

"What's it to you?" Noel shot back immediately, even though he knew perfectly damn well. And if anyone had a right to say anything, it was Cole "Wait. Is this some sort of intervention?" None of them answered right away. "It is! You're having a frakking intervention because I'm screwing some guy you don't like!"

"It's not just some guy I don't like," Cole said, still tugging Noel until they were over against the wall. "It's a frakking collaborator. I know you weren't down there, but I was and I saw it."

"Gaeta wasn't a collaborator."

"Like hell he wasn't! He's one of the reasons that Nora's dead."

"Yeah, well I guess you haven't heard the news yet. He wasn't collaborating," he insisted. "He was an inside source for the Resistance."

Cole snorted, but Marcia looked thoughtful. "Really? Who'd you hear that from?"

"Gaeta himself."

Marcia's expression turned to scorn. "And you believed him? How'd he prove it?"

That stopped Noel for a second, because yeah, Felix never did prove it. He'd just said he'd done it and Noel believed it. He'd heard rumors about Felix sitting with Tyrol, who was one of the Resistance leaders, and if Tyrol was vouching for him…. Noel shook his head. He'd seen Felix after that Circle had caught up with him, and he believed it. "What's it matter to you?"

"I would have just thought that you'd think more of Nora than that," Marcia said.

"Besides, even if he did play the inside man, he was still down there, hand in hand with the toasters," Cole pointed out. "You didn't see it."

"You're right. I didn't. But I talked to Felix after, and believe me, what he said was good enough for me to believe him. So frak you, frak your intervention, and frak off. Got it?" Noel yanked his arm out of Cole's grasp and began to walk away.

"Noel," Cole called after him. "Does he really mean that much to you?"

Noel turned around. "What?"

"Are you in love with him?"

Noel snorted. "Right. No, you asshole. I just know the truth when I hear it. Now leave me- and leave Gaeta- the frak alone." He strode off.

***

The story of what Felix had done spread like wildfire once it started, but opinions were slow to change. Some, like Cole, didn’t believe it at first, and regardless, didn't care. The President made an announcement about forgiveness for all, Felix reenlisted, but there was still a coldness that hung in the air any time anyone said his name. Felix might be grudgingly forgiven, but no one had forgotten yet. The wounds were too raw. However, after a couple of days the danger of Felix being attacked passed, and Felix decided he needed to find his own bunk.

He was gathering up his change of clothing and the few items he'd managed to acquire since the Exodus and putting them into a bag. Noel sat on the head of his bed, watching him. "It's weird, but I'm actually going to miss you."

"Why?" Felix asked, eyebrows furrowed together. "I'm not leaving _Galactica_."

"You're not taking up half my bed every night, either."

Felix shrugged. "If you want me here, all you have to do is ask. I just want to claim a bunk. We're on opposite shifts a lot of times and the Admiral mentioned me opening the lab again in a few days, which means he has more work for me." He paused and flashed a quick grin. "Besides, you snore."

"I do not!" 

"When you're drunk, you do." But Felix was laughing. "Besides, this way we have twice as good of odds of getting a room to ourselves."

"True." Not that that ever bothered Noel, but he knew Felix preferred privacy.

"And I know you don't normally like to share the bed for the night. You've been great, and I really appreciate what you've done, but I want you to have your freedom."

Noel nodded. When Felix put it like that, it made an absurd amount of sense. He appreciated it. And Felix was right- he wasn't crazy about sharing the bed because that was how people got attached and started getting ideas. At least Felix was smart enough to see that. And he was enough of a wreck that he probably _would_ get attached.

"By the way," Felix said casually, "do you want me to go with you to Nora's service?"

It wasn't a real funeral- Nora's funeral had been held on New Caprica. But Cole had been in prison and Noel and a lot of others had been on the _Pegasus_ , so someone had arranged for a service to Aphrodite in Nora's honor. Noel had been dreading it, and the idea of Felix coming with him was oddly comforting. 

"You don't have to, you didn't know her," Noel said, trying to sound casual.

"Actually, I did. I got along well with Duck, so I saw them quite a bit down on the surface. Before-" Felix cut himself off, his face stony.

Before the Cylons came. And both Nora and Duck had died thinking Felix was a traitor. In fact, from the way Felix wouldn't look at Noel and his hands trembled as he placed the last of his possessions in his bag, Noel could tell the friendship had ended in anger. He was going to say that they probably got it, being in the afterlife and all that, but as he opened his mouth he suddenly remembered Cole. Cole would definitely be there, and Noel was positive that Cole wouldn't welcome Felix there.

"Maybe it's not a good idea," he said slowly. "Cole…."

Felix nodded, zipping his bag, his expression carefully neutral. "You're probably right. I know I did what I could to help, but people's feelings are still pretty raw. If it's going to make things more difficult for you that kind of defeats the point."

"If it wasn't for Cole, I'd say frak 'em all and take you up on it," Noel admitted. "But Cole spent two months in that detention center."

Felix winced. "Yeah. I wouldn't want to see me at a funeral either, after that. Oh well. It was a thought." He slung his duffel bag over his shoulder. "Come find me later if you need a break."

"I will," Noel promised. He watched Felix leave with a hollow feeling in the pit of his stomach. He didn't really want to articulate what was bothering him, but he had to admit to himself it would have been nice to have someone to lean on, especially since Cole was bound to be a total mess as well. But he'd manage- he always did.

With a sigh, Noel got off the bed and began pulling on his own uniform. He had duty in ten minutes, and then the service. It was going to be a long day, and no sense dwelling on it for now.

***

"So how do you like _Galactica_?" Noel asked Cole a few weeks later as they sat down to lunch.

Cole looked more like himself these days. His hair was cut short again and he was clean shaven, and he was back in uniform. But he still was thinner than he had been, and his eyes weren't the same. "It could be worse." He answered Noel's question in a grim, flat sort of voice. "At least I'm flying again."

"There's definitely that." Noel poked his food with a fork. "Wouldn't mind having real food again though."

Cole ignored that. "What do you think of _Galactica_?"

Noel shrugged. "I'm getting used to it."

"I'll say. You've gotten awfully cozy with Adama."

"Lee, you mean? Well, yeah. He commanded the _Pegasus_."

"And sent her into a basestar."

"It worked." Despite his initial shock and devastation, Noel had been able to forgive Lee pretty easily for that, even though it would have made a lot more sense for the _Galactica_ to be the one sacrificed. Deep down, unspoken, was the tiny little bit of relief that the _Pegasus_ was gone. He felt guilty for even thinking that direction and returned to the subject. "Besides, Lee's never been so bad. Starbuck's the nutcase."

Cole glared at him. "Don't." 

"Right." New Caprica. Noel sighed, shifting awkwardly, and kept his eyes on his lunch as he tried to think of another subject of conversation.

"So," Cole said in a deceptively casual voice, "still frakking Gaeta?"

Noel's head shot up again. "Yes. Still hate him?"

He met Cole's eyes angrily, glaring defiantly. Cole had gotten all frakked in the head from New Caprica, yeah, but so had Felix. This time it was Cole that backed down. "I know I shouldn't," he said, his shoulders slumping. "I know what he did. But it's still hard to make myself believe it."

"He did it. You should hear the story sometime."

"Does he talk to you much about New Caprica?" Cole asked like he was prodding an open wound. "Outside of that?"

"Some. Not much." Which wasn't entirely true. There had been a couple drunken conversations that had been more Felix telling him some of what he'd seen and Noel listening and nodding. But Noel also knew there was a lot Felix was holding back. "It's hard for him to talk about. Just like we don't talk about the time between the attacks and when we found _Galactica._ "

Cole sighed and rubbed his forehead. "I get it, I guess. I just keep hoping you'll come to your senses."

"Whatever. Can you deal with it? With him and me, I mean?"

"I guess. I don't have to actually deal with him much, do I?" Cole asked warily. "I mean, you guys are just screwing each other and that's it, right?"

"Yeah." Noel's mouth was a little dry as he said it.

"Well, then." Cole gestured vaguely with his fork. "Hey, any word on what's going on with the squadron leader for red squadron?"

"Just that it's not me." Noel seized the new subject eagerly, and as they talked, the tension ebbed away somewhat. But it still wasn't the same. 

Noel had the feeling it would never be quite the same between them again.

***

New Caprica. It got to the point where Noel wanted to hit something every time he heard the words. 

He heard Cole wake up in the middle of the night with a shout. He got out of bed under the pretext of wanting water and found Cole sitting on the edge of his rack, his feet on the floor and his head buried in his hands as he shook. Noel sat beside him, arm around his shoulders, Cole's skin cold and clammy as he fought off the nightmares. Never in his wildest dreams did Noel ever think Cole would need help like this, and if someone had told him that he'd be comforting his old CAG after he'd had a bad dream, Noel would have laughed his ass off. But after New Caprica, it happened.

He saw the way Felix still stood apart from the crew, the way he often ate alone and the pilots didn't joke with him anymore over the wireless. At least, not most of them. At least, not the ones who had been on New Caprica. He knew Felix had nightmares, too, and he'd figured out that that was part of the reason Felix never stayed the night. 

And Nora… he missed Nora more than he'd ever thought he would. It would hit him out of the blue, and once he even tried to say something to her as they chased down Cylon raiders. His joke had been met by a terrible silence over the wireless that had left his mouth dry and his hands shaking, but he knew better than to say anything. After all, he hadn't been down on New Caprica. Sympathy didn't exist for those who weren't.

That was another thing- the people who'd gone to New Caprica didn't get it. Sure, Noel had avoided the horrors of New Caprica and for that he was eternally grateful. But that didn't mean he wasn’t still riding in the same hell he'd been caught up in ever since the attacks had happened in the first place. They were all still dealing with grief and loss and the utter devastation of being the last remnants of humanity, and not being on New Caprica didn't take that away. He knew better than to say that to anyone, but it grated all the same. 

He tried not to think of it, but the thoughts dogged him constantly, especially after the Cylons found them. Fighting wasn't enough, not now that it was jump and protect, jump and protect. Jumping didn't really protect anything- now Noel knew that for sure. He thought about that as he swirled the liquid around in his cup, staring down into the clear depths. The rec room was nearly deserted, but Noel stayed on, drinking and trying not to think.

"Hey, Noel."

Noel looked up from the glass and brightened. "Felix. Come to keep me company?"

"Actually, I was thinking we could so a few other things, but you look like you're on your way to being too drunk."

"Not too drunk. You know I'm up for it." Noel lifted his half-empty bottle in salute.

"That's just it," Felix said dryly. "I doubt you're up at all."

"Have a little faith."

"I have faith, but I think you've had even more booze." Felix took the bottle from him, found the cap, and screwed it on. "And if I'm not mistaken, you have a drill in five hours." Noel shrugged. "Come on," Felix said. "You need to sleep this off."

"You could sleep it off with me."

"With the way you snore when you're this drunk? I don't think so. Especially since I won't get anything out of it." Felix laughed and put an arm around Noel's waist. "Come on."

Noel leaned against him, having to admit that he really had drunk a hell of a lot and maybe the support was a good idea. The corridors spun a little too much, and they were fortunately just passing Felix's lab when his stomach lurched. "I'm going to-"

"I figured," Felix sighed. With frantic adeptness, Felix opened the lab and maneuvered Noel in, getting him to the sink in the nick of time.

"I'm sorry," Noel said when he was done and Felix had turned the water on to wash the mess down the drain. "That was… I'm sorry."

"Don't get weepy on me," Felix said. He looked at Noel. "Are you done, or is it going to make another reappearance?"

Noel took an internal inventory and decided his stomach had settled down. "I'm good," he said. "I should at least be able to get to my bunk."

"I'll help you."

Felix walked him through the corridors, making Noel stop at the head and then supporting him more and more until they reached the rack. The hatch was closed, and Felix pounded on it. Noel wanted to tell him to stop because it made his head hurt and his stomach ache, but then Felix would probably ask him for the combination and Noel wasn't sure he could remember that right now.

The door was opened by Cole, who took a step back when he saw Felix. "Can I help you?"

"Just getting Narcho here to bed," Felix said. "He's had too much to drink."

Cole frowned. "So?"

"Well, he'd sleep better here than in the rec room." Felix was guiding him to his rack, and the sheets were clean and smooth and cool. Noel collapsed into the bed, the room spinning. Good. When the room spun, he couldn't think.

Felix turned back to Cole. "Is there anything you need me to do?"

"Why the hell you asking him?" Noel wanted to say to Felix but his mouth wasn't working quite right. He did see that Cole was considering Felix like he'd never seen him before, but maybe that was just Cole being Cole. Cole was always surprised when anyone on _Galactica_ knew their ass from their elbow. He said a couple of things that Noel couldn't hear, and Felix nodded.

Noel closed his eyes for a long moment and the world spun, and the next thing he was aware of was a light pressure of lips on his forehead. "Get some sleep," Felix said softly. "I'll find you tomorrow."

"You, too," Noel waved his hand vaguely. 

"Captain," he heard Felix say, and then the sound of his footsteps retreating. His mattress dipped slightly as Cole bent over him.

"There's a glass of water there," Cole said. "You're going to have one hell of a hangover tomorrow."

"'Sokay," Noel said. "I've had 'em before."

"Yeah, I know." Cole didn't sound amused. "I'll give Gaeta credit, though. He's got your back."

"He's got a few other parts of me, too," Noel said, trying to waggle his eyebrows.

"I don't even want to know. Go to sleep. I'll make sure you're up for drills."

"Thanks." Noel closed his eyes. "Cole, he's really…." But Noel trailed off, passed out before he could even finish the sentence.

***

"Action stations, action stations. Set condition one throughout the ship. This is not a drill."

The words lit a fire in Noel, and he sprinted down the corridors like his feet had wings. He pulled on his flight suit, jammed the helmet over his head, and in what felt like seconds was in his cockpit, the controls in his hand. He was home, and he grinned as the launch tube sent him speeding into space.

It was a good fight- at least for now. Savage anger rose in Noel, burning sweetly as he piloted. He tried to stay in formation, to listen to the commands, but the Cylons were right there in front of him. Noel swerved, narrowly avoiding a raider, and then fired. One raider exploded into sparks, but the other headed towards him, head on.

"Could use a little help here," he said into the communicator.

"Be a hell of a lot easier if you stayed in formation, Narcho," Stinger said. But he was on it. Noel grinned as he saw Stinger's Viper soar in from the other side and blast the raider to smithereens. "Now get your ass back where it belongs."

"I'm going, I'm going. Frak, you're bossy." But he didn't. There was another raider at nine o'clock, so Noel went chasing after that one. 

"What the frak are you doing, Narcho?"

Felix's voice in his ear threw him for a moment, but he recovered quickly. "Blowing up toasters," he said, engaging the raider and blowing it to smithereens. "What's it look like?"

"Get back in formation." There was a note of command in Felix's voice. Usually Noel liked that, but right now it hit a sore spot and made him angry. But if Felix was saying it, the brass was listening in and he didn't dare disobey.

"Fine." He pulled up, turned, and set himself down back in Stinger's blind spot. "Better?"

"Much."

He stayed in formation the rest of the battle, not that there was much left. The Fleet got away and the Vipers were called home, locking on as the _Galactica_ jumped away. Like always, the retreat felt far to early to Noel. He had just been getting warmed up. He was thinking that as he finished checking out his bird and headed for the stairs, ready to go get a good shower and maybe get drunk, when he nearly ran into Felix.

"What the hell are you doing out of the CIC?"

"What the hell were you doing out there? You're going to get yourself killed!"

"I was fine. Besides, there were a frakton of raiders. What good does jumping away do? Why not blow a few more of the bastards up?"

Felix blinked. "Because they resurrect, you idiot. It just risks equipment and lives to be out there any longer than we have to be."

"So? It's my life. If I want to go down shooting at Cylons, that's how I'll go down!"

Felix drew back slightly as if Noel had slapped him. "And where does that leave us, if you die and take your Viper out with you?"

"You'll manage, just like we've managed all the times before! How many Viper pilots have we lost already? What difference does one more make?" Noel's voice rose, and people were starting to stare at them. "And why the hell is it so important that you come down here and chew me out, when last time I checked it's not your business? You're a CIC officer, Gaeta, not a pilot! If my CAG has an issue with how I'm flying, it's my CAG that will tell me- not you!"

Felix's nostrils flared and he leaned in close. "Do not test me on this, Allison, or you're going to find a lot more people than just the CAG yelling at you. Got it?" He didn't wait for Noel's answer, but spun on his heel and stalked off, leaving Noel fuming.

"Who the frak does he think he is?" he said angrily. He wasn't addressing anyone in particular, but Cole was standing nearby, watching intently.

"He is command staff," he pointed out. "And he's also right. I told you if you pulled a stunt like that again, I'd see your ass busted down to ensign. Risk your own life, that's fine, but what you did today risked mine, too. Shithead."

"You really gonna bust me down? You really want someone else watching your back?"

"They'd probably do a better job than you."

He was angry, but he didn't say he was going to do it. Noel relaxed. Cole would threaten and bluster, but he wouldn't bust him down. "I got him," Noel said. "That counts for something, doesn't it?"

"Only reason you get one more chance. Now get the hell out of my sight."

Cole's face was still grim. Noel knew when he'd pushed his luck enough. He saluted and headed for the deck to take care of his bird.

***

Two hours later, he was lying on his bed, his hair still damp from the shower, and still angry. Cole he could live with- Cole was a captain and outranked him, and Cole had been yelling at Noel for years about flying. But Felix… the thought of Felix tearing him a new one, especially where everyone could see, still made Noel burn. And he knew Felix would come as soon as his shift was over to argue this out some more. He glanced at his watch. Felix had gotten off six minutes ago, probably another minute and a half….

The hatch was fling open and Noel was immediately on his feet as Felix strode in. "What the hell was that all about? You do _not_ outrank me and-"

"Shut up." Felix cut him off by shoving him against the wall and kissing him harshly. Noel meant to push him away, but Felix's hand was down his pants already and Noel's cock was responding, and push turned to pull as he kissed back. Felix's hand was rough; Noel reached down to fumble his pants open more, but Felix grabbed his wrisst and slammed it back against the wall. "Don't," he growled deep in his throat. Noel ignored him and tried again, but Felix grabbed both his wrists and pinned him against the wall more firmly.

"You're going to listen to me," Felix said in an authoritative voice. "You are not going to pull the shit you pulled today again. Ever."

Noel jerked his wrists and threw Felix off, his anger surging again. "Like hell I won't. You don't get to tell me how to fly."

"You're going to get yourself killed."

"So what? " Noel demanded sharply. "You think I care?"

Something flared in Felix's eyes, and Noel only had a second to notice it before Felix lunged forward, grabbing Noel's wrists again and once again trapping him against the wall. But this time his kiss was more desperate, and Noel had the dim impression that Felix was trying to say something with this. He struggled to understand, to find the key in this language between them, hovering on the edge of it but not quite getting it, only knowing that despite his anger, he still wanted to kiss back. His brain clouded as Felix's body pressed more heavily against him, and his anger simmered back into lust. He pulled Felix flush against him, grabbing his ass and squeezing to the point where it must be painful, until Felix moaned into his mouth.

"Come on," Felix ordered, pulling away and pushing Noel towards his rack. Noel lay back, watching as Felix stripped off his pants and jacket, leaving them crumpled on the floor- an action that said so much more than any words he'd yet said. He straddled Noel and reached behind his head for the lube. Noel had a second to process where this was going and Felix's slick hand on him before Felix sank down onto his cock, riding him. His eyes rolled back into his head as he fell back against the pillow, surrendering. Felix rode him hard, bracing his hands against Noel's shoulders. The harsh echoes of their breathing filled the small, confined space. Noel reached up and held onto Felix, the warmth of his skin suddenly something that he needed desperately. He opened his eyes to see Felix's face, contorted in more concentration than usual.

"Noel…" Felix's voice was ragged.

"You gonna come?" Noel's fingers tightened on Felix's back. Felix nodded, and Noel thrust up into him so that they were now moving together, and holy shit, he was getting close, too. He managed to hold on until Felix spasmed around him, coming hard. Felix stilled for a moment and let his breathing slow, and then began to move again. 

Felix was still whispering his name, like it was some sort of message that he wanted Noel to understand. Noel closed his eyes and tipped his head back as he wrapped his arms around Felix's waist. Felix bent over to kiss him, and they were so close and so warm and then Noel was coming. When he came down he found himself trembling. He pulled Felix down to him, so Felix was lying against his chest, his hand splayed across Noel's abdomen, Noel's arm around his shoulders.

"I don't get you," Noel said, eyes still closed as he toyed with Felix's hair. "What was that all about?"

"I've watched too many friends die," Felix said tightly. "I'd prefer not to do it again if I can help it."

"You care?" 

Felix propped himself up on one elbow and made an incredulous face. "Why wouldn't I?"

Noel thought about that. "Yeah. Guess so."

"Don't be an idiot."

"You mean now or out there?"

"Both. I don't have many friends left, Noel. I'd rather keep the ones I have."

"All right. I'll do better."

Felix smiled. "You tell Stinger that, too?"

"Well, not like I tell you." 

Felix laid his head back down against Noel's shoulder and relaxed. Noel closed his eyes, drifting in contentment. "Noel?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think…" Felix trailed off, and Noel opened his eyes, waiting for the rest of the question.

"Do I think what?" he prompted when Felix didn't say anything more.

"Nothing. I forget."

"You sure?" Felix nodded, and Noel shrugged. "Okay, then. You gonna stay for a while?"

"You want me to?"

"Wouldn't ask if I didn't." Noel yawned. "Besides, I'm too tired to move."

"All right." Felix nestled closer and Noel automatically put his arm back around him, and let himself drift off to sleep. The last thought he had was that he was warmer than he had been in a long, long time.

***

Noel walked into the rec room and stopped still, staring. "What the hell?"

Felix and Cole looked up from their hands of cards. "Want me to deal you in?" Cole offered.

Noel looked from one to the other. Felix was smirking, Cole was glaring a threat for Noel not to make an issue out of it. Noel stared a second longer, then gave up with a shrug. "Fine," he said, thumping himself down into a seat. "Deal me in." After all, it wasn't like he was going to complain.

But when Felix left for duty an hour later, Noel turned to Cole immediately. "All right. What the hell was that? Since when do you play cards with Felix?"

Cole picked up a worn, wrinkled card and studied it. "You know something? You've calmed down flying again."

"So?"

"Ever since Gaeta told you off. Gods knows how long that will actually last, but he got through to you longer than I ever did."

"So?" Noel still wasn't sure what Cole was driving at.

"And like I said a while back, he's got your back."

"Yeah, I know that."

Cole shrugged. "Just figured if he's sticking around for a while, I should make an effort, you know? He obviously is. The guy's my best friend's boyfriend- it makes life a little-"

"Wait. _Boyfriend?_ "

Cole's lips quirked in amusement. "Noel, who else have you slept with since New Caprica?"

"Well, no one but-"

"And who do you spend most of your free time with?"

"You and Felix, but-"

"You're an idiot, you know that?"

"Yeah, but-"

"Just shut up, okay? We've got time for another hand or two." Cole shuffled and began to deal. "And I'm more interested in your cubits than what's going on inside your head."

Noel nodded wordlessly, taking his cards. Sometimes it was best just to obey orders.

***

It was a question he never, ever, in a million years thought he would ask, but he had to as he and Felix sat together in his bunk, smoking. "What are we?"

"Soldiers?" Felix answered, confused. He considered the end of his cigarette. He'd put his underwear and tanks back on, but he still looked almost naked to Noel as he lounged against the frame. "I'm not sure I understand the question."

"Frak off, yes you do." Noel pulled his knees up closer to his chest. "I'm asking about us. What are we?"

"Oh." Felix took a long drag on his cigarette. "What do you want us to be?"

"That wasn't what I was asking."

"Sure it is." Felix still didn't look at him. "What do you want?"

"You could tell me what you want," Noel countered.

Felix finally flicked a glance at him, and in that glance Noel understood, with a certainty that washed over him like ice cold water. Felix had already made a decision, just like he had on New Caprica with Baltar. Felix did what he wanted in a relationship, no matter what the other person was doing.

"Are you sleeping with anyone else?" Noel asked quietly. 

"No."

"Would you? If someone asked, I mean?"

"No."

No qualifiers, even, although Noel wondered what would happen if Baltar was still alive. He closed his eyes, breathing deep. "Guess it makes sense if I do the same, right? More fair?"

"If you want to." Felix's voice was even, but when Noel opened his eyes to look at him, he saw that Felix was trying not to smile. He wondered how long Felix had been thinking this himself. 

"You could have asked me, you know," Noel said. "I would have said yes."

"Would you have?"

"Yes, you idiot."

Noel nudged Felix's thigh with his toe. "Does that mean you're saying yes now?"

"I don't know. What are you asking me?"

"Want to be exclusive?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Good then."

"Good." Felix took one more drag on his cigarette, but then broke into a huge grin that he apparently just couldn't contain. "Gods, I thought you'd never catch on."

"Yeah, well, I'm slow that way." Noel moved over so they were sitting side by side, arm against arm, thigh against thigh. Felix felt warm and solid beside him, and Noel didn't care if they never moved from this bed again. He opened his hand and held it out, and Felix covered it with his own, lacing their fingers together. "You going to stay the night tonight?"

Felix smiled at him. "Absolutely."


End file.
